Tonight at 7:15, an Oakland Raiders team
that has found ways to embarrass its home city in ways violent crime rates and a reputation for danger and lawlessness could not, host the San Diego Chargers in a Monday Night Football opener.
The Chargers are a stacked team that some consider a Super Bowl contender. The Raiders -- well, you know about the coach allegedly beating an assistant silly while threatening to kill him, right? That was something of a pleasant diversion from the team's on-field performance. We need
this drinking game. Take a small sip when
The phrase "Commitment to Excellence" is spoken or appears on-screen
A certain ESPN announcer refers to San Diego's franchise as the "San Diego Super Chargers"
Nostalgic footage: Kenny Stabler, John Madden, Freddie Biletnikoff, John Matuszak, Ted Hendricks, Lyle Alzado, Jim Plunkett, Marcus Allen, Bo Jackson, Rich Gannon, Tim Brown
Nostalgic footage: Dan Fouts, Johnny Unitas, Junior Seau, Lance Alworth, Charlie Joyner
Nostalgic footage: Al Davis, looking like someone other than Dorian Gray's portrait
Take a liberal sip when
An announcer mispronounces Nnamdi Asomugha's name, despite the fact he's the best player on the team
The terms "JaMarcus Russell" and "cannon" are juxtaposed"
Johnnie Lee Higgins is described as a "game breaker"
Any Raiders back rips off a run of 10 yards or more
Tila Tequila is mentioned
A joke is made about Tequila's name
The term "turmoil" is used to vaguely describe the impact of Raiders Head Coach Tom Cable being investigated for felony charges of allegedly pummeling his assistant
Shawne Merriman dances maniacally
Darrius Heyward-Bey has a pass thrown his wayDrink it down when:
Darrius Heyward-Bey catches a pass
"Tonight in the stands, ladies and gentlemen -- Art Shell!"
You see your parole officer in The Black Hole
Announcer says something along the lines of, "Tom Cable has a great coaching staff -- they're hard to beat."
Darren Sproles gains 30 or more yards on any one playPolish it off when:
Raiders stop a 3rd-and-1 or 4th-and-inches
Announcer employs Stalingrad metaphor
Sebastian Janikowski makes a tackle
The Raiders win