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Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Hidden Clauses in 49ers' Pact With Prodigal Receiver Michael Crabtree

Posted By on Wed, Oct 7, 2009 at 7:59 AM

Yes, that is Michael Crabtree on the cover of NCAA Football
  • Yes, that is Michael Crabtree on the cover of NCAA Football
Insiders have whispered to ESPN that holdout wide receiver Michael Crabtree has opted to finally ink a contract with the San Francisco 49ers, curtailing a months-long holdout that extended through training camp and the team's first four games.

Financial terms of the deal have not yet been disclosed -- meaning no one is certain if Crabtree's obstinacy worked out in his favor or not, or counterbalanced the damage he's done to his 2009 season (and reputation). Still, there must have been something pretty sweet in that contract to induce Crabtree to sign now:

  • 49ers pulled strings with Madden Football people to ensure Crabtree gets good ratings in next version of the game
  • Team stores will cease using No. 15 jerseys for purposes other than their intended use
  • San Francisco coaches will curtail phoning Crabtree at home and asking "if he's busy"
  • Crabtree will be paid in Euros, which have a higher value than American

    dollars. Also, the squat Euro notes and bulky two-Euro coins take up a

    lot of space -- which justifes toting around that gorgeous man purse you

    had your eye on.

  • Today has been officially declared "Michael Crabtree Day." Are you enjoying it?
  • Not being from around here, Crabtree was fooled into believing that

    Blue Angels' yearly Fleet Week appearance was actually a surgical air

    strike arranged by the 49ers. His contract assures him the bombers

    have been called off.

  • Contract locks him in at extremely favorable APR rate and allows balance transfers

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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