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Thursday, May 6, 2010

Chely Wright Is Gay! She Takes AMEX, Visa and MC!

Posted By on Thu, May 6, 2010 at 12:45 PM

click to enlarge Had you heard of Chely Wright prior to her sudden coming out?
  • Had you heard of Chely Wright prior to her sudden coming out?
The gays are excited about a new lesbian on the scene! Chely Wright - who had a big hit way back when years ago with Single White Female (a really terrible song) - has decided to reveal her filthy filthy secret: She's into women!

Can you believe it?

Fortunately she is a "devout Christian" according to Bilerico Project, and she is associated with Faith in America -- a group whose mission is to educate the public, challenge oppression and confront bigotry enabled by false interpretations of religious freedom. These associations are the spoonful of sugar that will supposedly help us all - queer and anti-gay country music-loving hicks - continue to love and enjoy the many talents of Chely Wright.

In case you are like me and have never heard of Chely Wright, she happens to have a new record AND a book coming out this week too! Imagine that!! She's got something to sell!

So let's summarize: A woman you've never heard of before that hasn't had a hit song in more than 10 years is gay. If that makes you nervous, keep in mind that she sings country music (bonus), she really digs Jesus (bonus x2) and she is promoting her new products for you to purchase (she's got to be a good American). It's a win/win situation for her, but the rule in these outing rituals isn't exactly appealing.

If someone like Olympic champion skater Evan Lysacek were to come out of the closet at the moment of his career peak it could be a disaster. I'm not saying Lysacek is gay. Evan Lysacek is (probably) not gay. He is merely involved in a gossip rag taunt festival with Johnny Weir, who is probably just jealous. But the point is that Lysacek's career would potentially be harmed by the revelation that he loves the taste of penis. At least it would in HIS mind and that is why he would never come out of the closet now when he can still make a living. Chely Wright, on the other hand, has nothing to lose.

Oh, by the way, give yourself some bonus points if you realized the photo accompanying this story isn't of Wright. That's Loretta Lynn.

Wright-style desperation doesn't even register with the gays. Her announcement accompanied by the sale of her book and album somehow helps deliver the message of tolerance to our most fervent detractors - the southern hillbilly crowd. Since she loves Jesus and waited until her career was overripe to come out of the closet, she can represent a middle ground of tolerance for the bible thumpers that hate us. Unfortunately, that theory is complete hogwash.

click to enlarge Now that's Chely Wright...
  • Now that's Chely Wright...
I don't want to anger Steve Hildebrand, the new adviser to Faith in America (and former Obama strategist). He already unleashed a tidal wave of rage on Michael Petrelis -- and he frightens me. But I simply don't buy into the idea that LGBT people will turn our opponents into allies by proving that we are just as Christian as they are.

See - we have Jesus in common! Let's be friends. Actually, I don't think that exhibiting a belief in superstition is good for anyone. Trying to win over redneck bigots by showing that we are just as retarded as they are isn't a model I'm fond of emulating. The gays who waste their time with Christianity and all of its various incarnations are just as worthy of equal protection, due process and full faith and credit as we agnostics are. But I wish they'd keep their delusions to themselves. Those ardent gay-hating Christians don't hold themselves to the biblical standards they wish to impose upon us. What would make anyone think that our participation in the corrupt world of religious intolerance will earn us sympathy from conflicted religious bigots?

Chely Wright is probably a very nice and talented Christian woman and I wish her well, but she is selling a book and a record and would love to have an audience. If that is your thing, by all means, have a ball. Bring your wallet.

Patrick Connors is an uppity fag and his book can be purchased in the lobby as you exit.

Photo of Loretta Lynn | Scott Schram

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Patrick Connors

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