San Franciscans complain about everything. War in the Middle East, high rent, the job market, Muni (which really does suck)
-- there's no subject too grandiose or pedestrian for us to bitch about over a too-expensive cup of Blue Bottle coffee
. Of late, our critics' sensibilities have turned to another topic: The weather.
Yes, it's been a cold summer. You know what? Every summer is cold in San Francisco. Seriously, dude: Did you not know about the weather when you moved here? While we're at it, do you think anyone is fooled by those business cards that say you're a graphic designer?
Some of us here at SF Weekly
are sick and tired of hearing and overhearing the incessant chat about how it's been sooooo cold
. In solidarity with others who must suffer such complaints, we offer this handy-dandy list of rejoinders to cold-weather bitching of all varieties:
Top Ten Things to Say When San Franciscans Complain About the Weather
10. "Put on a sweater."
9. "You're right. I would like to warm us both by setting fire to your
8. "If you're trying to get me to quote Mark Twain, I would sooner punch you in the face."
7. "I hear it's sunny in Livermore!"
6. "Since you are my friend, I would like to sell you this snow shovel."
5. "I won't listen to you until you remove those sunglasses."
4. "May I place this stocking mask over your face to warm you?"
3. "May I place you in this fat suit
to warm you?"
2. "Some say the world will end in fire
,/ Some say in ice./ From what I've tasted of desire/ I hold with those who favor fire./ But if it had to perish twice,/ I think I know enough of hate/ To say that for destruction ice/ Is also great/ And would suffice."
1. (Say nothing. Bite your lip, fork over $3 for your cup of coffee, ignore the yuppie/techie/hipster DB's behind you in line, and return to the office, where, if you're lucky, you get paid to write ill-tempered screeds against people whom you have never met.)Follow us on Twitter at @TheSnitchSF