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Friday, February 4, 2011

It's Your Super Bowl Drinking Game

Posted By on Fri, Feb 4, 2011 at 3:02 PM

click to enlarge NFL.Super_Bowl_XLV.Mini_Helmet_0001_thumb_250x215.jpg
America's national excuse for going on a bender the night before a new workweek is upon us. Super Bowl Sunday is nigh, and if you needed a more organized drinking regimen than "imbibe when your team wins, loses, or draws" then you've come to the right place.

SMALL SIPS

  • Mentions of: Vince Lombardi; cheese; Troy Polomalu's hair; Maurkice Pouncey's ankle; "Big Ben"; the "Steel Curtain"; grainy clips of Terry Bradshaw, Franco Harris, Lynn Swann, Bart Starr, Brett Favre, and, of course, Max McGee

  • Announcer uses iteration of statement "Big players make big plays in big games"

  • Super Bowl commercial employs scatological humor

  • Announcer or coach uses term "football" when "ball" -- or nothing -- would do just as well (examples: "He's got to catch the football there" or "This is a great football team.")

  • Athlete says "It is what it is" 

click to enlarge Mad Max is the man
  • Mad Max is the man

MEDIUM SIPS



  • Aerial shots of closed dome in lovely Arlington, Texas

  • Cheeseheads!

  • Announcer or coach uses term "warrior"

  • A Lambeau Leap!

BIG SIPS


  • Max McGee's hangover during Super Bowl I is mentioned

  • Max McGee's death by falling off of a roof is mentioned

  • Athlete mentions Jesus Christ

  • Jesus Christ mentions athlete

click to enlarge ...With Leon Lett as 'The Idiot'
  • ...With Leon Lett as 'The Idiot'
B.J. RAJI-SIZED SIPS

  • Announcer references Dostoevsky

  • Mention is made of a player being respected by his teammates because of his oversize genitalia

  • Dropkick is attempted

  • Dropkick is attempted by player with oversize genitalia in manner eerily similar to passage from Crime and Punishment

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Bio:
Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" is a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly, which he has written for since 2007. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers... more

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