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Monday, May 7, 2012

10 Best Yelp Reviews for Santa Rita Jail

Posted By on Mon, May 7, 2012 at 8:43 AM

click to enlarge not quite 5 stars
  • not quite 5 stars

With unemployment benefits set to end next week, perhaps some of you are devising desperate ways to make ends meet, like robbing a bank or cooking up a meth lab in a far-flung part of Alameda County. If you do plan on taking up a life of lawlessness, you should at least know what you are getting yourself into.

That's why inmates who've spent some time in the Santa Rita County Jail were kind enough to leave behind Yelp reviews, giving future jailbirds some insight about how chilly that drunk tank is. 

After reading the 21 reviews, our top 10 favorite quotes from those who know best:

10. "Since I went to stay for a while, I've been back countless times to visit friends who fell in love with the place and just can't stay away! Since I'm a card-carrying Occupier, I'll definitely be heading back soon!"

9. "I finally tried it out in January and while this place is so relaxing you could just sleep all day, there is *never* a dull moment."

8. "I cant even believe there are jail yelp reviews....even a moron can predict what people are gonna say.  Noone likes ANY jail.  Are there even any 5 stars jails in existence?"

7. "Come for the Baloney samiches stay for the foot infections! "

6. "Oakland has lost my Love and Support, The Alameda County Fucked with the wrong Frisco Chick. I'm educated and innocent, and I might just come back as a public defender one of these days."

5. "Made some friends here! Your jail wristband even doubles as a pass for public transportation!"

4. "I don't always stay in Alameda County Santa Rita Jail, but when I do, I choose Alameda County Santa Rita Jail."

3. "deserves that one star for the stellar lawns surrounding what is probably the shittiest place i have ever been. EVER."

2. "The cookies were ok, my orange strangely ripe."

1. "They were cool and didn't make me cut off the lace inside my hoodie. After all I didn't drive 30 miles to hang myself from a string inside a dirty cell inhabited by crack whores and innocent chicks."

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About The Author

Erin Sherbert

Erin Sherbert

Erin Sherbert has been Online News Editor for SF Weekly since 2010. She's a Texas native and has a closet full of cowboy boots to prove it.


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