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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

World's Largest Penis: Jonah Falcon's Dong Visits San Francisco, Dick Jokes Ensue

Posted By on Wed, Jul 18, 2012 at 8:10 AM

click to enlarge bigcarrot.jpg

This week it was revealed that the world's largest penis and the nebbishy, 41-year-old man it's attached to visited our fair city. In the ostensibly newsworthy portion of this development, he was asked by airport security personnel if he had the world's largest penis in his pocket or was just happy to see them.

Yes to both, it would seem.

Jonah Falcon is something of an odd bird. He's gained a measure of fame for his celery-stalk-sized phallus, which he clearly revels in (an excellent Rolling Stone profile follows him as he dons pinstripe baseball pants "two sizes too small" for a trip to Yankee Stadium and otherwise struggles to emerge from his member's massive shadow). Falcon steadfastly refuses to delve into the world of adult films, however, as then no one would take him seriously as an actor.

Well, fair enough. We'll take Falcon and his chosen career as a thespian as serious as penile cancer. We'll make fun of our brethren in the press, however, for missing the most golden opportunity for San Francisco-related dick jokes in the history of San Francisco and dicks.

To wit:



Why did Jonah Falcon come to San Francisco?

5. To make Coit Tower feel inadequate. 

4. To quell Mayor Ed Lee's infatuation with a "Stop and Frisk" policy. 

3. To meet fans of the "Giants."

2. He'd heard San Francisco Airport was erecting a new tower.

1. No actor famed for his massive schlong could resist an opportunity to reenact the scene in Spinal Tap in which a man with an oversize object in his pants is hounded by airport security. And no airport security team should be better equipped to deal with massive schlongs than San Francisco's. It's a match made in schlong heaven.

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Bio:
Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.

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