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Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Colorful Captain Pens Perplexing Police Reports

Posted By on Tue, Aug 7, 2012 at 3:03 PM

click to enlarge Captain Corrales' alter ego
  • Captain Corrales' alter ego

It seems the San Francisco Examiner's Law and Disorder daring duo have some stiff competition. Ever since SFPD Capt. Greg Corrales took over at Park Station, we've been regaled with his puzzling prose that reads like something you'd find in a Dick Tracy comic strip.

We have no idea what he's thinking when he pens phrases like "flagitious fellow fustigating," "disputatious dipsomaniac," or "lowlife louse," but what we are sure of is that Corrales likes alliteration as much -- maybe even more -- than he likes catching crooks.

Here's a satisfying sample from the "editor-in-chief" himself:

Officer Bowers encountered a flagitious foulmouthed floozy fiendishly fighting. Further investigation revealed that the horrid harridan had destroyed property belonging to her wannabe paramour, and had pulled a witnesses hair.

Another:

Officer Hamilton encountered a vexatious vagabond mumbling & stumbling. Further investigation revealed that the mealy-mouthed mumbler was unable to care for his own safety.
And finally:
Sgt. Meyer surprised several somnolent scalawags strenuously snoozing in the park. Sgt. Meyer cited all four of the noisome nappers, at which time he discovered that one of the dastardly deadbeats was a fugitive from justice with eighteen active warrants out for his arrest.
All we have to say is that bad writing should be a crime.

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About The Author

Erin Sherbert

Erin Sherbert

Bio:
Erin Sherbert was the Online News Editor for SF Weekly from 2010 to 2015. She's a Texas native and has a closet full of cowboy boots to prove it.

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