Help Turn The Salesforce Tower into the Eye of Sauron

One Change.org petition to rule them all.

‘The Eye was not turned on them, it was gazing north … but Frodo at that dreadful glimpse fell as one stricken mortally.’ (Red Rainey/Change.org)

UPDATE, 12:48 p.m.: Benioff told Curbed SF that he’d rather see a symbol of Batkid, the affectionate nickname for cancer survivor Miles Scott, and notes that “The building is owned by Boston Properties and they are in charge of the art.”

 

Salesforce has left an indelible mark on San Francisco, from the disintegrating bus station to the extremely phallic skyscraper to that incredibly annoying annual conference that requires the cleansing purgative of the Folsom Street Fair to flush from the city. But we ask and we ask and we ask, and nobody seems to know the answer: What does Salesforce actually, like, do?

Before you @ us to explain the cloud or whatever, check out this petition to light the 11,000-LED light crown of the Salesforce Tower like the Eye of Sauron from Lord of the Rings this Halloween. Marc Benioff and his wife are devoted philanthropists, billionaires with a conscience (mostly), but Salesforce’s true motives remain shrouded in mystery. Are they dedicated to the physical wellbeing of children or are they excited to work with ICE to detain children? We’re pretty sure the anti-software bias has something to do with the forging of a ring that gives its wearer and insatiable lust for computing power and market share.

It looks like last year’s proposal to turn the Salesforce Tower into a giant phallic sculpture went nowhere, so we might as well illuminate it as a beacon of Mordor.

So far, 1,606 people have signed up, hoping to project a lidless reptilian oculus wreathed in flame atop the 1,070-foot edifice, to where it’s visible from Mt. Diablo or from the bridge of Maersk container ships far out to sea and also from The Shire. Artist Jim Campbell, who made the enormous public artwork that graces the building’s uppermost tier, could not be reached for comment. He is currently battling orcs sent by Peter Thiel, whose Palantir Technologies takes its name from a thingy in LOTR that lets you see across great distances.

SF Weekly has observed a strange cloud-like phenomenon hovering around the top of the tower, which may either be Karl the Fog or the “huge shape of shadow, impenetrable, lightning-crowned” that is the defeated Sauron, deprived of his human form after Gollum’s death led to the un-making of the Ring. We continue to monitor the situation closely. In the meantime, sign the petition.

Or if you just want to DIY some freaky eye jewelry shit for Halloween, you can watch this 42-minute YouTube tutorial and win that war against the Elves.

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