Plenty of people who read this year's Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year issue came away feeling more than a bit nonplussed. Lance Armstrong? Sportsman of the year? Sheesh: Even we can ride a bike. If you're reading an active-lifestyle publication like SF Weekly, you probably can, too. Right? So we've devised a vigorous training ride designed to help you get in Lance Armstrong-style shape. Head through Golden Gate Park to the Great Highway, then turn left and follow it to Skyline Boulevard, turn right and ride until you reach Highway 92. Climb up and over the Coastal Range to Half Moon Bay, where you turn left onto Highway 1. Head south five miles or so until you reach Tunitas Creek Road, turn left and climb seven miles back up onto Skyline Boulevard, then head back toward S.F. — for a total of around 75 extremely hilly yet beautiful miles. Find yourself a snack. Take a shower even. Then head back out and repeat the whole. Do this every day for the next three years, even if it's raining; even if you're depressed; even if it seems like you've got far better things to do with your life. Once you've done this, it's time to begin your speed work. Then, if you're blessed with extraordinary natural talent, you'll be in barely good enough form to enter — not win, place, or show, mind you, but enter — a single professional bicycle race of the caliber Lance Armstrong does every day. Good luck.