Hey, Faggot: I'm a curious male breeder with a question: I recently heard from some of my bi friends that orgasms are longer and of greater intensity when the prostate is stimulated in addition to the penis. What's your take on this? Could you do one of your informal polls, i.e., penis versus prostate? Also, what would you recommend as a good way to get started? I've heard buttplugs are good. Please tell all.
Hey, V.P.: Very few men can come just by having their prostates slapped around; so the question isn't “penis versus prostate” but rather “penis stimulation coupled with the simultaneous stimulation of the prostate gland versus penis stimulation alone, without even a hint of prostate stimulation.” Your bi friends are correct: Applying pressure to a man's prostate gland while he's fucking, getting sucked off or jerking off will, if his prostate is “wired,” enhance orgasm. Enhance probably isn't strong enough a word: A little prostate stimulation can mean the difference between a come-landing-on-your-stomach orgasm and a come-flying-over-your-the-top-of-your-head orgasm.
Unfortunately, most straight men deny themselves the pleasures of these enhanced orgasms. Why? Cuz when it comes to their butts, straight men are chickens. You see, the prostate gland is just inside your ass, under-neath your bladder. It sits on top of the wall of yer, um, rectum, and the most effective way to stimulate that li'l gland in there is by sticking something in your ass — something along the lines of a finger, a dildo or a cock. But since sticking things in your ass is perceived as feminine and/or gay by many straight men and said men have been taught to believe that all things feminine and/or gay are B-A-D, their prostate glands sit up in their breeder-boy butts going to waste!
One of the beauties of being male is the ability to be both insertee and inserter simultaneously, without having to invest in a strap-on dildo ensemble. You would think that would be enough to convince straight boys to go for it — let her stick something into you, and compensate by sticking something into her at the same time. No identity slippage, no homosexual panic need ensue — her insertion is canceled out by yours. But from the reports I've had from straight women whose boyfriends freaked out when they got within fingering range of his rear end, most straight men aren't willing to go there, not even for an enhanced orgasm. Well, it's their loss.
You, V.P., sound curious about going there, and buttplugs are a fabulous way to get there. Since they're wide in the middle, get narrow toward the bottom and have a flared base, your own sphincter muscles will hold a buttplug in your ass, leaving your hands free for other activities: jerking off, fingering her ass, knitting or writing advice columns. And since buttplugs, unlike dildos, don't look like cocks, they're a very good beginner's butt toy for insecure straight boys.
Buttplugs come in many sizes. Skinny, finger-shaped buttplugs won't do much for your prostate gland. While they will stimulate your sphincter — another underutilized pleasure center (next week we'll talk about rimming) — skinny buttplugs simply aren't wide enough to apply any significant amount of pressure to the prostate itself. So, shoot for at least a medium.
Finally, if insertion is a no-go, prostate stimulation can be achieved without it: Have your girlfriend face you, then reach between your legs with her hand. She should lay her middle finger in your crack, allowing it to rest lengthwise along your butthole. Then apply steady pressure up and forward — as if you were a barbell that she's trying to “curl.” You can, of course, reach between your legs and do this for yourself, but it's not as much fun. Good luck.
P.S. The above Prostate Propaganda may give the impression that possession of a prostate gland is a prerequisite to enjoying anal sexplay, or that prostate stimulation is the goal of all anal sexplay. This, of course, is not the case. Women do not have prostate glands, yet a great many women enjoy anal sexplay, and many men enjoy anal sexplay without direct prostate stimulation. Millions of other nerve endings hanging around your ass will, in the absence of prostate stimulation or the absence of a prostate, make anal sexplay worth your time and effort. This will be on the final exam.
Hey, Faggot: I'm a partially reformed 28-year-old breeder who learned that two males can have as much fun and satisfy one another as well as a male and a female can. This knowledge came as a result of eight years, seven months and 18 days as a guest of the Washington State Department of Corrections. Now for my question/problem. Does it still mean anything if a male wears an earring on just the right, or on both sides? The reason for the question: I'm chillin' at the Re-bar and start dancing and drinking with a couple, male and female. We seem to really be clicking, so they invite me back to his apartment for a bong and some more slow dancing. This turns into both of us boys on her breasts and dry humping each other through our pants, and we were both packin' hards. Then another girl shows up at the door, and rags all over the girlfriend about not being at her house by 11 pm — they both have to drive to Vancouver at 6 am — so the girl leaves with her friend.
He says it's cool if I still want to crash and says I can have half of his bed since the couch is saggy. We hit the sheets and I figure we're going to pick up where we were interrupted, but when I touch him he blows a fucking fuse and threatens to smash my face, and I find myself in a cold rain at 2:45 am in Wallingford.
He had a single-pierced left ear and a double-pierced right ear. All of this to ask: Is there some way to tell by looking if someone is a player or if they're just wannabes?
Learned the Hard Way
Hey, LTHW: Once upon a time, earrings meant something — but not anymore. Nowadays, if you wanna know if someone's a player, scrape up the courage and ask. There are straight-identified men out there able to groove on a little boy-boy contact, but only so long as a woman is part of the action. Two men and one woman going at it, in your host's mind, was a “straight” threeway. Two men going at it after she took off was “gay” sex. Next time, don't assume. Inquire.
Confidential to All of the Above?: For the time being, don't identify as anything. Take a wait-and-see attitude — and one day you'll wake up to discover that ya are whatever-it-is-you're-gonna-be without having to sweat it out. My opinion? Straight people are rarely confused about their sexuality — what's there to be confused about? No one, except for maybe me, is pressuring them to be queer. Queer people are pressured into being straight, so we're likelier to wind up in denial about our sexuality, reluctant to admit the truth to ourselves, and we feel “confused.” Come over to the dark side.