Dorothy and Sophia and Blanche and Rose Say Merry Xmas

Baby, it's cold outside. Even in Miami. Celebrate with the Golden Girls — live!

San Francisco has, what, like four official or semi-official holiday trees or something? Sure, you could join Ed Lee and a bunch of suburbanites and clap politely as they get lit. Or you could go to the city’s real Xmas tradition: the live drag re-anactment of classic Golden Girls Christmas episodes.

Ugly holiday sweaters reach their zenith — along with no small number of caftans — at the Victoria Theatre for 15 performances starting tomorrow, Thursday, Dec. 1. Will Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux (Matthew Martin) bed one of Santa’s elves, as her initials imply? Will Dorothy Zbornak (Heklina) have to worry about her ex-husband Stan after his new wife puts coal in his stocking? Will she fight with her elderly Sicilian mother Sophia Petrillo (Holotta Tymes) over where to put the tree? And will Rose Nylund (D’Arcy Drollinger) ask when the Tooth Fairy is going to visit?

Holotta Tymes as Sophia Petrillo (Mr. Pam)
Holotta Tymes as Sophia Petrillo (Mr. Pam)


If you’re an obsessive TiVo’er of Lifetime, the two episodes in this year’s cheesecake pageant are “What a Difference a Date Makes,” in which Blanche goes on a diet and jilted Dorothy takes revenge after a Christmas dance date stands her up, and “Girls Just Wannt Have Fun … Before They Die,” in which Rose must come clean to her boyfriend Miles about a sexual secret. Featuring S.F. stage veterans Manuel Caneri and Tom Shaw, with costumes by Daffney D’Luxe, it’s always a good time even if the South Florida heat turns egg nog to soup out on the lanai in seconds.

Opening night (Dec. 1) being World AIDS Day, the performance is a benefit for Healing Waters Wilderness Adventures, a group that helps HIV/AIDS survivors get out of the city. On Saturday, Dec. 3, all four performers will appear at Humphry Slocombe (2790A Harrison St.) at 4 p.m. in honor of the ice cream shop’s limited-edition flavor, Cherry Chocolate Cheesecake — which is available for the entire month of December at the Mission location and at the Ferry Building.

Ticketholders for any night get free admission to Mother, Heklina’s drag show at her and Drollinger’s club, Oasis (298 11th St.) on Saturday, Dec. 3, 10, or 17. And for the Friday, Dec. 16 performance, audience members are invited to don their own gay apparel in the form of hideous holiday sweaters. (Don’t let Barb from Accounting show you up in that department again!) And don’t miss out on tickets, because this wonderfully demented holiday tradition sells out every year.

The Golden Girls: The Christmas Episodes, Dec. 1-23, Thursdays-Saturdays, 8 p.m., Sundays, 7 p.m.; at the Victoria Theatre, 2961 16th St.,

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