Seven Ways The Phantom Menace Could Be Fixed

George Lucas finally gets it. Sort of.

The flannel-abusing 67-year-old director recently told The New York Times Magazine, “Why would I make any more [Star Wars movies] when everybody yells at you all the time and tells you what a terrible person you are?” But just when you thought he was taking his lightsaber and going home, Episode 1: The Phantom Menace comes out today … in 3D.

You see, not making any more Star Wars movies doesn't mean he can't revive past ones. And you don't have to know what planet Chewbacca's from (Answer: Kashyyyk) to know Lucas has a history of repackaging and retooling. His Star Wars movies have had more plastic surgery than a Real Housewife, and he's re-sold them to us again and again, always after fixing imperfections only he could see. I have no doubt that five years from now, he will suddenly become dissatisfied with Natalie Portman's left eyebrow in The Phantom Menace, thus justifying the release of special editions of the prequel trilogy.

So I thought I'd save him some trouble by suggesting seven options for improving Menace for its future releases. If you can't Force him, join him. Right?

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