Twitter Hates You: Don't Believe It? Ask Roland Martin

Twitter is not your friend. Twitter does not have your back. Twitter is a cold, conniving gossip. Twitter is horrible at keeping secrets. Twitter is an old man who sits on his porch watching everything that goes by and telling everybody what everybody else is doing. Don't get me wrong. It's fun when Twitter is telling me about what other people are doing. We all love other people's dirty laundry. But if you are not careful, one day Twitter will put you it's crosshairs. And it will be all your fault.

Meet Roland Martin. The latest victim of, “Oh shit! I had no idea Twitter was listening.” Roland — a professional CNN'er who was recently voted America's 19th Most Popular Conservative Black Guy — by me — was at a Super Bowl party having a good time. He was eating chip and dip and talking shit. The adult beverages were probably flowing. I'm guessing the Champagne of Beers, or maybe because he's connected he had secured an advance case of Bud Light Platinum — the new malt liquor for white people. And Roland was holding court, as you get to do when you are America's 19th Most Popular CBG. And at the party people were over-laughing at Roland's colored commentary, as people have to do if they want to continue to hang out with “Mr. 19.” And Roland said something that got a really huge over-laugh, and he said to himself, “I HAVE TO TWEET THIS! I could get to the sacred 50+ with this baby!”

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