You Love These 80's Canadian Animal Sweaters So Much You Want to Kiss Them

Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

Patrons on Safari sweater pattern magazine

Date: 1988

Publisher: Patons

Discovered at: Salvation Army, Nanaimo, BC

The Cover Promises: Here is what happens when an everyday sort of Canadian kid gets bitten by a radioactive Mario Lopez.

Your Crap Archivist was recently fortunate enough to visit Canada, America's largest and cleanest national park. Our northern neighbor is a deceptively reasonable country, one populated by cheery, healthy people enjoying socialized medicine and proximity to bears and still having a queen for some reason. (As my wife pointed out, the Canadian nickel boasts the queen on one side and a fat ol' beaver on the other, a combination that could work down here in San Francisco, too.)

But the astute traveler will recognize that Canada remains a prodigious generator of bewildering crap: Just turn on the radio, where a high-minded government mandate dictating stations must play 40 per cent Canadian music means twice an hour you have to suffer through the beardy stink-pop of the Barenaked Ladies. Or visit any Canadian thrift store, where between copies of Cold Sassy Tree you will almost certainly find this book, originally archived in one of the first-ever Studies in Crap:

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