It’s Pride weekend, and the whole world knows it. The World Trade Center is lit up in blue-and-pink trans pride colors, Russian priests are warning men to grow beards as a weapon against homosexuality — as if! — Mikkeller beer’s Danish parent is trolling Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin with a limited-edition beer bottle that depicts them smooching — um, woof? — and parades in other cities are wrestling with what to do with Trump-supporting “homocon” shit-stirrer contingents that want to march.
Meanwhile, here in San Francisco, if you’re going to Pride, expect metal detectors and bag searches, no early BART, and more fists in the air than in previous years. Also, on grounds of meeting the bare minimum requirements of style, please no rainbow tutus over knee-high rainbow socks.
But whether you’re an inveterate procrastinator or just looking to plug some holes in your meticulously planned schedule, we offer the following picks as the best events of the weekend. [Note: If tickets for something sold out already, we’re not including it.]
Friday, June 23
6-7:30 p.m. Trans March. Although the rallies begin as early as 11 a.m., the multifaceted (and 14th annual) Trans March continues smashing holes in the patriarchy and the rigidity of the gender binary all afternoon and evening, starting from Dolores Park. There are two after parties, a sober event at Wicked Grounds (289 Eighth St., 7-10 p.m.) in SoMa, and a fundraiser for TGI Justice Project’s work fighting the prison-industrial complex at El Rio (3158 Mission St., 7 p.m. – 2 a.m.)
9 p.m. – 2 a.m. Pound Puppy. Arf arf arf! Head over to the Eagle this evening for a NOLA-inflected trip through the Summer of Puppy Love with DJs Taco Tuesday and Kevin O’Connor. Po’ boy specials for early arrivals.
10 p.m. – 4 a.m. Polyglamorous. The subterranean Club Six (60 Sixth St.) becomes the sweatiest spot to make eyes at gorgeous people in the Bay Area when Polyglamorous brings DJ Heather to town to play with resident DJs Mark O’Brien, M*J*R and Beya. Early arrival strongly recommended. $150-$30.
10:30 p.m. – 2 a.m. Club Finn. All weekend, the Castro’s best new late-night spot, Finn Town (2251 Market St.) transforms itself to Club Finn, a no-reservations party featuring bar bites, Stoli cocktails, and entertainment from Sister Roma (Friday), Ruby Red Munro (Saturday), and Whitney Skye Paterson (Sunday).
Saturday, June 24
7-10 a.m. Pink Triangle Installation. You didn’t think that thing unfurled itself, did you? Join volunteers on Saturday morning up on Twin Peaks as they put that baby together, with coffee, pastries, and T-shirts for all, plus a commemoration ceremony afterward.
11 a.m. – 8 p.m. Dyke March. Starting at Dolores Park and running through the Mission, this is where you want to go to see the best signs and recognize to the core of your being that the future truly is female. Can you believe it’s been 25 years?
[Note: Dyke March organizers warmly invite everyone to cheer them on, but respectfully asks that only women-identified humans participate.]
Noon – 6 p.m. Pride Celebration. If you’re not so into the parade on Sunday, come to Civic Center a day early to wander around the booths. Plenty of performance and visual appeal round out the afternoon.
9 p.m. Swagger Like Us, featuring Trina. Da Baddest Bitch hits S.F.’s premiere queer hip-hop party at Mezzanine (444 Jessie St.) along with Bbymutha and LSDXOXO. $40 GA tickets are still available at the door, and an early arrival is strongly recommended.
9 p.m. – 4 a.m. Jungle: Pride at the Armory. It’s no longer a porn-production hub, but the Armory (333 14th St.) wisely chose to use one of its three legally mandated late-night allowances to host 4,000 people under the Drill Court. Hosted by Betty Who, and featuring a free signature cocktails, go-go dancers, and DJs from around the world, it’s a big one. $50-$150.
9:15 p.m. The Untold Tales of Armistead Maupin. Frameline added an additional screening of Jennifer Kroot’s documentary about the creator of Tales of the City, featuring interviews from actors like Olympia Dukakis who starred in the PBS adaptation. A better love letter to San Francisco you will never find.
Sunday, June 25
10:30 a.m. – 4 p.m. 47th Annual LGBT Pride Parade. However you feel about its political leanings or the demographics of its attendees, there’s no denying that this event remains as important in Trump’s America as when it began under Richard Nixon. Avoid trying to drive across Market Street between Beale and Eighth streets, mmmkay?
11 a.m. – 6 p.m. Faerie Freedom Village. The respite from Pride’s commercial element and the best spot for weirdos, misfits, and the erotically inclined to chill the eff out in Civic Center all afternoon, the Faerie Freedom Village is a self-contained art space in the mode of a queer-hippie Burning Man camp.
Noon – 10 p.m. Juanita MORE! Pride 2017. The queen of all San Francisco drag queens, Juanita MORE!’s annual party at 620 Jones St. — now 13 years on — raises money for a worthy cause while scooping up a goodly quantity of S.F.’s queer establishment. This year’s beneficiaries are the Q Foundation (formerly AIDS Housing Alliance) and the LGBT Asylum Project, and DJs and drag queens will keep you in the mood all afternoon.
3 p.m. – 11 p.m. Hard French Hearts Los Homos VII, featuring the Ronettes. If you missed SF Weekly‘s interview with the irrepressible Ronnie Spector, check it out — and then head over to Mezzanine (444 Jessie St.) after Pride wraps up for a block party (3-8 p.m.) followed by a performance by the one and only Ronettes, who were so cool in their prime that the Rolling Stones opened up for them. $30-$60.
7 p.m. – 2 a.m. Disco Daddy. When Pride winds down, you must surrender to Daddy. DJ Bus Station John takes over the Eagle (398 12th St.) for the fourth year running, with his eminently affordable “Traditional Climax To Yer Week Of GLBTQXYZ Pridefulness.” $7.
8 p.m. – 2 a.m. Pride! At the Chapel. Extremely talented person Trixie Carr leads an end-of-Pride party at the Chapel (777 Valencia St.) that’s also a fundraiser for the forthcoming Compton’s TLGB District, with “random” performances by Honey Mahogany and others, and a vogue-off(!) at midnight. There’s also a rope suspension, which is pretty much the most intense kinky thing someone can do with their body. $10.
Sunset. Foreign Cinema (2534 Mission St.) screens Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and while you’re screaming along to that scene where Guy Pearce is dancing atop the bus with the whole silver lamé thing, you can drink a specialty cocktail that’s also called a Priscilla Queen of the Desert (Absolut Elyx, butterfly pea flower, lavender syrup, sparkling lemonade.
Monday, June 26
8:30-11 p.m. Hey Girl! Bingo. You know how sometimes you just can’t let the weekend go? Let your brain drift away at Lazslo (2526 Mission St.) with everybody’s favorite game of chance, Drag Queen Bingo, hosted by Shelix.