Delicious Charity Bakesales, Ellen & Portia To Open Veg Eatery, and Vegan Halloween! Spooky!

• It's Halloween on Monday! Which is a wack day for Halloween but I have no control over that, so take it up with God if you're so upset. Since the most holy day of the year for children and slutras is upon us, that means you should stock up on non-shitty candies at Rock Candy Snack Shop, bust out the pumpkin brew, and make these amazing peanut butter caramel apples. And if you're so inclined, you can add your address into the database of homes giving out vegan candy on No Trick Treats. Right now there are about three houses listed so please help make the database more useful and therefore, more delicious. Happy Halloween!

• So, you know how in Ohio, any idiot can own wild animals, but they're trying to ban pit bulls? Now, there's that. Then, a super stable dude who owned a bunch of African wild animals in Ohio, released them into the not-Africa wild of Ohio, and then killed himself? And then most of the animals were shot and killed? Yeah, that's all true, and also, super fucking sad. Well, Michael Markarian at the Humane Society of the United States wants us to help prevent that from happening again. So get on it, because the wild animals of Africa belong in the wilds of Africa, and pit bulls belong on my lap, because I gotta give them all the hugs and kisses!

Mercy for Animals have some awesome fucked-up commercials airing on MTV. Hey, it's less disturbing than Jersey Shore so, kudos to them. Welcome to the Revolution, tweens!

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