Latest National Security Threat: The Whopper

All that artificially cheap corn-fed mystery meat, neon orange processed cheese, soft white bread, and watery sauced spaghetti in shitty school lunches might be accomplishing something their politicized opponents would actually applaud: hamstringing military recruitment.

This morning, the Associated Press revealed that Mission: Readiness, a group made up of retired Army, Navy, and Air Force officers, is fearful that school lunches have overstuffed America's youth to the point where too few of them can meet the military's standards for physical fitness. Weight issues are now the number one reason why recruits don't make the cut. The group's new report says nearly 27 percent of Americans between the ages of 17 and 24 are too overweight to join the military.

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