Robert Pattinson Plays Dirty with Elephants, Soy Will Not Give a Guy a Rack

SFoodie's roundup of tips, news, and rants from the week in animal-free eats.

• Listen, I know you want to get freaky with Robert Pattinson, but please don't go see Water for Elephants, because it looks like some crazy elephant exploiting bullshit. Also, we should talk more about your thing for Pattinson, because I heard he doesn't bathe. If that excites you, and you're rich, and you like ladies, you should e-mail me because I hate being clean! Shit, I use my shower as extra storage.

Eric Ripert, the seafood king of New York City, got a radiation detector so he can test all incoming Japanese fish for RADIOACTIVE IODIDE. Marine Sciences professor Nicholas Fisher says, “You're not going to die from eating it right away. But we're getting to levels where I would think twice about eating it.” Smart. Even smarter? Don't eat the fucking fish!

• We're using all our antibiotics on animals that are turned into food, and becoming immune to emerging superbugs in the process. It's seriously some dystopian future shit, and we're LIVING IN IT. Shit, I'm like Paul Revere riding into town to warn your asses and instead of fleeing, you just sit on your porches knitting American flags and drinking sweet tea made of bacon. Has history taught us nothing!??!

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