Tuesday Eight: No Beard Awards for S.F., No Street Food Festival Either

Plus the Creme Brulee Cart guys wants to sell, Further Future will make you want to gouge your eyes out, and Marc Zimmerman of Alexander's Steakhouse won Cochon555.

[jump] San Francisco, a City of Many Beards, Goes Beard-Less
Ker-PLUNK. The James Beard Awards — which recognized the talents of a lot of female chefs — did not look kindly upon San Francisco this year. If you're really hungry for some pride-by-proxy, Jonathan Waxman (of Waxman's) won “Best Chef: New York City (Five Boroughs)” for Barbuto, and Ken Friedman (of Tosca Cafe) won Best Restaurateur for The Spotted Pig and The Breslin, both in Manhattan as well. As Eater's Ellen Fort put it, “this must be how L.A. usually feels.” The full list of winners is here.

And La Cocina's Street Food Festival Won't Happen This August
The whole point of moving it from the Mission to Pier 70 was to accommodate the massive growth, but even that's too much. Inside Scoop reports that the San Francisco Street Food Festival needs a breather and will (hopefully) return in 2017.

But Here's Who Won S.F.'s Cochon555
Your new Prince of Porc is Marc Zimmerman of Alexander's Steakhouse, who will go on to represent S.F. against nine other cities in Aspen after creating six dishes from a rare Mangalitsa Cross breed of pig, including a caper-dusted chicharron, a fried rice dish, and a terrine. I'm not going to post an image of the pig being dismembered (cause maybe some people don't feel a need to see that) but here's the Flickr page if you're curious.

Do You Want to Be the Next Creme Brulee Cart Owner? 
It's kind of being like the Dread Pirate Roberts, but with torches instead of cutlasses. Inside Scoop says owner Curtis Kimball is weary after seven years, and ready to sell.

A Look at JAX Vineyards in SoMa
There are many wineries in one of San Francisco's most greenspace-starved neighborhoods, and Hoodline takes a good look at JAX (326 Brannan). The tasting room is open Tuesdays through Fridays, 4-8 p.m.

Further Future Will Make You Want to Obliterate the Universe and Start Anew
The “Burning Man for the One Percent” happened, and The Guardian's report will make you want to opt-out of homo sapiens and join some other, non-sentient species instead. There were $7 mango halves, $250 Nobu dinners, birthday cake for Google's Eric Schmidt, and enough self-congratulation to power the sun. Money quote, from the event's “mastermind,” Richard Ward: “'Burning Man, and we have great reverence for Burning Man, but there’s always an element of arduousness. Here, we have spa treatments and green juice,' he said. 'There’s already enough in life that’s tough.'” One consolation is that even the elite wait for 45 minutes for “lavender lattes.”

Quaker Oats May Not Be As Benevolent As Once Thought
In spite of the smiling, nonviolent Friend on the label, Quaker Oats' claim to be “100 percent natural” appears not to be true after traces of glyphosphate (an environmentally dubious pesticide) were uncovered in the oats.

Glenn Beck Is Fasting So Ted Cruz Wins Indiana
Glenn Beck says dumb stuff even on a full stomach, but this type of God-bothering feels especially weird. FiveThirtyEight gives Trump 83 percent chance of winning the Hoosier State.

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