An Irish horror film that's as dumb as a box of pin-shaped metal fasteners.

You can’t go wrong with a dilapidated hospital as a setting for a horror movie; The Void used one to great effect earlier this year, and it was a very smart film that created something new out of its many influences. By contrast, Dennis Bartok’s Nails is a flatly derivative and stooopid-with-three-Os movie with one interesting idea buried in cookie-cutter stooopidity. After being hit by a car during her morning run, fitness expert Dana (Shauna MacDonald) is laid up in a squalid hospital, paralyzed and only able to communicate using a computer.

She’s also being attacked by a ghost (Richard Foster-King) that emerges from the spooky wooden closet that’s directly in front of her hospital bed, for no earthly reason other than that the ghost has to emerge from somewhere. As is if it weren’t bad enough that her husband (Steve Milgrom) doesn’t believe her, he’s also wasting no time replacing her with a younger, non-paralyzed model. The picture is a parade of jump-scares interspersed with several facepalm moments, particularly those involving a wheelchair as well as newly installed cameras the dumb characters promptly forget about. The shame of it is, Nails could also function as an all-too-timely parable about women not being listened to when reporting assault, but it’s buried within a deeply stooopid movie.

Not rated.
Opens Friday at the Roxie Theater.

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