From this week's Bouncer column:
No one seems to be watching The World According to Paris, so I have had to take up the slack on my lonesome. The premise of the most recent reality show based on the life of heiress Paris Hilton is her day-to-day existence in Los Angeles. She has to keep reinventing herself in order to remain “hot,” to use her parlance. Presumably, these days she is a businesswoman first — one whose brand is nothing other than her physical manifestation on Earth: blond, rich, exclusive, and pouty. Being the oppositional-defiant journo that I am, I would really like to exalt her with neofeminist theory, but she had to go and say on the show that only “ugly girls” give blow jobs, and that knocked the wind out of my Conair hairdryer. Sadly, she really is a complete and total tool.