Dear Morrissey, Will You Ever Actually Make it to San Francisco?

Dear Morrissey,

If a double-decker bus crashed into us right now, we almost would be happy to die by your side — not because we think vehicular slaughter is “such a heavenly way to die,” but rather because the shock of seeing your face in this fair city of ours would be enough to bring on sudden death regardless. At the rate things are going, we just can't help but feel that the stages of San Francisco will never be graced with your miserable, warbling presence ever again. And honestly we kind of miss your sad little hound-dog face, dude. There's just something so darn comforting about it.

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