I love the sickly-sweet dessert wine Moscato. It's the only alcohol I drink, and for a short phase of my life, my friends even referred to me as Young Moscato.
Why do I like Moscato so much? Well, it's not only cheap and widely-available, but it doesn't taste like alcohol. Like at all. And if you're someone who doesn't find the taste of spirits particularly pleasing, this drink is a Godsend.
[jump] I discovered Moscato for my first time about five years ago at a potluck dinner party in Berkeley. I was instantly hooked. Not only that, I was finally able to go to restaurants and parties and bring/order a drink. (Side note: When it comes to booze, peer pressure is a real thing. I can't even count how many times people tried to pressure me into drinking before I discovered Moscato.)
But I'm not the only one who likes Moscato. Far from it. The drink is popular enough to warrant its own national holiday (which is today), as well as inspire legions of rappers and singers to name drop the beverage in their songs. (Both E-40 and Nicki Minaj have their own lines of Moscato, as well.)
In celebration of this underrated, under-celebrated holiday, here are 15 of the best Moscato references in songs — and the takeaway lessons we can learn from them.
1. “Love No Thotties” — Chief Keef
You's a gold bottle, these hoes pink Moscato
Takeaway: Moscato, once considered a post-dinner delicacy, is now as cheap as Two-Buck Chuck.
2. “Get Paid” — Joey Bada$$
Squeezing triggers on my niggas with the clippers like C. Paul/
That was sorrow to the children of tomorrow/
Another pill swallowed and a bottle of Moscato
Takeaway: Drinking Moscato will help distract you from the harsh realities of the world.
3. “Gone Insane” — Ab-Soul
Drowning in Moscato, popular pothead/
Feel like I hit the lotto, and I just got head
Takeaway: Moscato and weed mix well.
4. “Fast Lane” — Eminem featuring Chamillionaire
I'm with your girl in your auto/
I'm letting her work my throttle/
I think I just spilled a bottle of Moscato/
Inside your Tahoe. Your girl is singing bravado/
She think she Nelly Furtado, I keep on telling her/
“Bravo!” Yeah, that's the Stephanie I know
Takeaway: Because Moscato is a white wine, it's less likely to stain than a red, so if you spill it in your Tahoe, it's no big deal.
5. “Episodes” — E-40 featuring Chris Brown and T.I.
Sit back and relax and have a glass of this bottle/
Earl Stevens Selections, mango moscato
Takeaway: Moscato is like the liquid-form of Xanax.
6. “Don't Hold Your Applause” — Wale
Sipping Moscato with models having exotic dishes
Takeaway: Moscato is either a) low in calories or b) so good that models can't help but drink it.
7. “Do It Now” — Drake
It's a celebration/
Clap clap bravo/
Lobster and shrimp/
And a glass of moscato/
For the girl whose a student/
And her friend whose a model/
Finished the whole bottle…
Takeaway: Women, be they students or models, love Moscato.
8. “Nobody Fucking With Us” — Royce 5'9
You was good and then you turned hood, you remind me of Moscato
Takeaway: Stay classy at all costs to avoid being compared to a cheap bottle of wine.
9. “Livin' Like I'm Dyin'” — Tech N9ne
Sun got us all the color of Shabba/
Then I pop the bottle of Moscato/
Ride away on my Yamaha
Takeaway: Long hours in the sun will not only make your skin darker, but it will make you think it's okay to drive while inebriated.
10. “Stoned” — Gucci Mane
Wasted on moscato, but I'm losin my patience/
I'm tellin her come go with me but all her homegirls hatin (FUCK 'EM)
Takeaway: Moscato will make you turnt, not zen.
11. “King's Highway” — Nelly
Headed for the Castle lot moscato got me croachin/
Bently kinda crowded the whole car was leanin' back/
Shandra watchin' TV with two gurlies on their lap (man)
Takeaway: Moscato pairs well with White Castle.
12. “Power Button” — Curren$y
In the Bahamas slice ya wifey like an avocado/
Blame it on the moscato, she went crazy with the bottle
Takeaway: Moscato might induce you to cheat on your S.O.