How To Use Venue Coat Checks Without Being a Douche

Ah, venue coat check. Utterly necessary if you want to stay comfortable at your gig of choice — and totally undervalued by almost everyone. A few years ago, I worked coat check in Slim's. It was a wonderful venue to work at with a fantastic staff and a delicious kitchen, but being a coat check attendant there — while fun on occasion — provided me with an insight into humanity that I didn't necessarily need. Here's how to use coat check at a music venue without being a total douche (seriously, kids, it's not that hard).

Remember: Coat Check Attendants Are Not Idiots

Every so often at the coat check, guys in pastel-colored shirts show up

with dates wearing diamonds and proceed to talk down to you, apparently to (A) make

themselves feel more important, (B) impress their dates by

demonstrating what a total douche they can be, and (C) try and reduce

the insecurity they feel about the size of their penis. If you are that

douche, please take note: coat check attendants aren't bums who dropped

out of school and do this for a living. They're people who need to make

some money on the side, probably while they're halfway through their

astrophysics degree. Do not talk to them like they're five-year-olds

with learning difficulties.

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