Knockin' Boots with R. Kelly! On Uranus!

When the International Astronomical Union bounced Pluto out of the official list of planets in our solar system last year, many of us felt betrayed. We grew up believing in nine planets, nine apolitical Supreme Court justices, and nine Ring Wraiths. Granted the Nazgul haven't let anyone down lately, but the other two concepts have crumbled in the light of the new millennium. The next IAU conference isn't scheduled until 2009, but R. Kelly will on Tuesday issue a position paper, in the form of a superlatively filthy slow jam, encouraging the scientific community to recognize a new celestial body… Sex Planet.

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