Last Week: Slash's Return, Rollins' Cleaver and Kanye's Audition

It's time to take cover San Francisco because we're pretty sure hell just froze over. Almost everything this week has been incredibly unlikely — from the length of Henry Rollins' kill list, through Guns N' Roses getting the old band back together, all the way up to Kanye West auditioning for American Idol. Don't even get us started on what Channing Tatum and Beyonce did to “Run The World (Girls)” on Lip Sync Battle

[jump] Here are the quotes of the week:

“Upholding a three-decade tradition of breaking ground, creating trends, and forever changing the face of rock ‘n’ roll, Guns N’ Roses announce the most significant and anxiously awaited musical event of this century.”
More astonishing than GN’R reforming for Coachella? Note the insane degree of hyperbole used in the press release. (NME)

“I absolutely have a kill list….There are different grades. There are a few people who could do with losing a hand. And I’d happily carry the petrol can, the cleaver, whatever it takes. As far as the kill list goes, though, there are two who’ve REALLY gotta go.”
Henry Rollins' kill-list might be short, but we bet the hand-chopping one is a mile long. (The Guardian)

“Harry [Styles] doesn’t need any help with exposure, everybody in the world knows who he is. But he does need to make the transition from being part of a group to becoming an individual artist. I can get him working with the bigger artists, the biggest producers – and have him as the biggest artist in the world within a year.”
Time to panic, pop fans! Jay Z just basically tried to break up One Direction! (NME

Kanye auditioned for American Idol. J-Lo got excited. It was cute:

“Remember: Believe it when you hear it from my lips. The rumors are untrue. I do not have cancer.”
Janet Jackson is gonna live, y’all! (Twitter)

“Making false accusations seems to be a pattern of behavior for Ms. Gutierrez. Whatever her motives, her statements are unequivocally untrue.”
Does anyone else think it's ironic that Chris Brown talks about “pattern[s] of behavior” in his statement denying punching a[nother] woman? (Rolling Stone)

Channing Tatum impersonating Beyonce on Lip Sync Battle is the strangest thing we've seen all week:

“It was like a fucking machine going constantly. We weren’t allowed to say certain things, or [lyrics] the way we would want to. I’d sit and wonder, ‘If the fans knew how it worked, what would they think?’”
They still wouldn't want Jay Z to steal Harry Styles, but thanks for the One Direction info, Zain Malik. (Billboard)

“If white people are just now discovering that it's bad for black or working class people in America, they're a lot more blind than I thought and they’re a lot more choosing-to-be-ignorant than I thought.”
Run The Jewels' Killer Mike called out stupid white people the other night. (The Late Show With Stephen Colbert)

And finally, in case you missed Lemmy’s amazing four-hour memorial service on YouTube on Saturday evening, here's Dave Grohl telling some funny and heartwarming stories about the Motorhead legend. 

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