So the Oscar Wilde of alternative rock, Morrissey starts a four-day bender in San Francisco and the SF Weekly is going to be there rushing the stage. All the shows are sold out, so for those who can't make it — why don't you do something more Morrissey than going to see Morrissey? -By David Downs

Top Five Things More Morrissey than Seeing Morrissey in SF:

1) End trophy marriage over lobster at fog-shrouded Cliff House.

2) Make plans to attend goth holiday Bat's Day at Disneyland next year.

3) Attend the one of the many Smith's/Morrissey-themed DJ nights in SF, then: stand in the corner alone; go home alone;, cry; want to die.

4) Buy a plot in Hollywood Forever, where the Moz says he wants to be buried when he dies.

5) Play some pickup futbol in Dolores Park on Sundays. Latinos have a freaky LOVE for Morrissey. Kill self after losing.