Paris Hilton's New Single Is Spectacularly Vapid, Even By Paris Hilton Standards

Those of you reading this who used to be 8-year-old girls

might recall that thing that we used to do at sleepovers, where you and your friends would, in the midst of practicing dance moves, try and make up pop songs on the spot. And the words to those songs would always (repeat: always) be about having a good time or dancing all night —

because that's what 8-year-old girls hope that grown-up life will be like. Occasionally, if you were feeling a bit naughty, you'd include a line about drinking wine or kissing boys. It was all pretty cute.

Well, it would appear that, at some point during her childhood, Paris Hilton made up a song during one of these sessions and has now decided to release it to the world, backed only by a generic dance beat and an intense sense of delusion. Listen to the rambled, cliché-ridden piece of garbage that is “Good Time” and tell us that it doesn't sound like it was made up on the spot by a child:

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