Hosted by Ludacris (“I'm a hip-hop artist, a former radio personality, and I'm blessed to be in one of the biggest box office hits of the year”) and Chrissy Teigen (“I bang a musician” – no, really, she actually said this), the ceremony established the level of seriousness we should grant it, less than 20 minutes in, when it gave the “Best Group” award to One Direction. As such, we figured giving you a list of the evening's winners was entirely pointless and irrelevant. Instead, we'd like to present you with the five most bizarre moments from the 2015 Billboard Music Awards.
[jump] 1. David Lee Roth Creeping on Nicki Minaj
Van Halen, opening the show with “Panama” made Britney Spears and Taylor Swift smile and dance from the front rows, despite the fact that David Lee Roth rather closely resembled a senile old man, who'd escaped the nursing home dressed for both Sunday church and a surf lesson simultaneously. All was going well though, until a mid-song break-down, during which DLR — for reasons we still can't fathom — announced: “I'm gonna reach down between my legs, and I'm gonna get Nicki Minaj to help me ease my seat back.” Um. What?! We don't know what that means, but we're pretty sure we don't like it…
2. Nick Jonas Doing “Jealous”… in 1987
Sure, Britney Spears and Iggy Azalea's performance of “Pretty Girls” was extraordinarily day-glo '80s as well (at one point, there was a guy doing dance steps in neon yellow roller skates — poor fella), but at least it lined up with their (terrible) video. Nick Jonas, on the other hand, emerged to perform romantic ballad “Jealous”, clutching an old school metal guitar, wearing a silver bomber jacket with no shirt, standing on a Tron floor, and surrounded by lasers and some of the most over-the-top 1980s graphics we've ever seen. The incongruity of it all was, frankly, crazy-balls.
3. Chrissy Tiegen's Constant References to John Legend
Certainly the most infuriating element of this entire Awards show was Chrissy Tiegen in the co-host role. Almost every time she had a microphone in her hand (which was A LOT), she mentioned the fact that she was married to John Legend. She blew kisses at him from the stage, she sat in his lap, she told Meghan Trainor (who performed a duet with Legend) that she had her eye on her, and she told Legend she was jealous about the performance. It was basically three hours of watching a very beautiful, very successful woman reduce her entire identity and career to the ring on her finger. Both bizarre and cringe-worthy.
4. Sam Smith's Acceptance “Speech”
This one was actually weird in a good way. Unable to accept his “Top Male Artist” award because of his imminent throat surgery, Smith opted to send a video of himself, holding up cards with messages on, Bob Dylan style. The message included cards that read: “Seeing as you guys are in Vegas… Taylor… Put a 100 on black for me 🙂 … Nicki… Oh…My…God… Look at her bum! …And Ed…I've organised a special dance for you at… Chippendales.” It was the cutest thing Sam Smith has ever done. (And we sincerely hope Ed Sheeran picked up his dance after the show.)
5. We're Not Sure if Kanye West Was Actually There…
So, that thing that happened at the end of the show sounded like Kanye performing “All Day” and “Black Skinhead” but there was so much smoke and so many fireworks, we couldn't actually see him. At all. Even when the cameras desperately zoomed in and tried to find him, he was obscured by the pyro. To make matters worse, the television censors went so hard on his performance that there were frequent massive blocks of silence (some of them 10 seconds long). For all we know, Kanye might just have a team of look-a-likes doing his work for him, like Saddam Hussein used to… Show yourself, West!