Sure, you ostensibly came to SXSW to see live music. But pick your shows and your meals right, and the week of South-By can also make an amazing body-slimming opportunity. You might even graduate to a new leg-hugging level of skinny jeans! Here's a quick guide to maximizing your South-By weight loss opportunity — all while living off the Austin staples of barbecue and beer. (Note: This is not good for you, it likely won't even work, and we don't advise it for anything except the purpose of humor.)
– Stand, continuously, for periods of five to seven hours, or so long that you struggle to remember the last time you sat. If at times this begins to feel like torture, just remember where you are and what you're doing and get over it.
– You see one band per venue. Then you hoof it to another venue for another set. But you were doing that anyway, right?
– Grilled meat, served inside a small starchy item (bleached processed white flour preferred), is what you eat now. This can come in the form of hot dogs, barbecue sandwiches, or tacos. Consume at least two servings daily.
– Fuck fruits and vegetables. If they were any good, they'd be at SXSW.