Why Elton John Was the Perfect Person to Call Out Dolce & Gabbana

If we've learned anything about Elton John in the last 40 years — you know, aside from his ability to nail timeless balladry and flamboyant clothing — it's that he's basically the master of shade throwing. This guy's armed with more bitchy comments than eight seasons of Real Housewives [insert your own city choice here], and last weekend the claws came out yet again — this time, with good reason.

[jump] It all started when Dolce & Gabbana went on record with Italian publication, Panorama, stating that gay people shouldn't have children. Dolce stated: “I am gay, I cannot have a child. I guess you cannot have everything in life. Life has a natural course, some things cannot be changed. One is the family.”

The designers then turned the crazy-balls dial up to 11, denounced any and all conception that doesn't involve putting a P in a V, and dismissed “children of chemistry, synthetic children. Uteruses for rent, semen chosen from a catalog.”

It was at this point that D&G should've ducked and covered, because once Elton got wind of this on Sunday, he hit Instagram with a photo of the designers, accompanied by this: “How dare you refer to my beautiful children as 'synthetic'? And shame on you for wagging your judgmental little fingers at IVF – a miracle that has allowed legions of loving people, both straight and gay, to fulfill their dream of having children.” 

Elton concluded with (and this is the part that will most make you want to high five him): “Your archaic thinking is out of step with the times, just like your fashions. I shall never wear Dolce and Gabbana ever again.”

And with that — in our minds, at least — Elton picked up a microphone, dropped it, and walked away from his probably-beautifully-bedazzled laptop, middle fingers in the air.

Elton John has a public bitch-match every couple of years and has previously seemed to have a teeny bit of a temper problem. Like the time he was presenting an award with (a clearly intoxicated) Lily Allen and he simply couldn't bite his tongue — “Are you gonna have another drink?” he sneered, shoulders turned pointedly away from her. There was all that stuff with Madonna where he called her “a fucking fairground stripper” and said things like “She's such a nightmare, her career is over, her tour's been a disaster” and accusing her on more than one occasion of lip syncing. And there was that incident where he said Keith Richards was “like a monkey with arthritis” who had held the Rolling Stones back. 

Usually, when Elton kicks off, it all feels a bit gratuitous and childish and knee-jerk, but, sweet baby Jesus (who wasn't conceived naturally either, by the way), we are so relieved and thrilled that Sir. Elton was on hand to bring Dolce and Gabbana down a peg or two. He is the absolute perfect person to do it. Not just because he has the biting wit, not just because he has a greater platform and wider audience than Dolce & Gabbana, and not just because he can take these fashion bozos head on in the social status stakes, making him impossible to dismiss.

Those are all important of course, but the main reason Elton John is the perfect person to hit back at D&G is that he is living, breathing, singing, piano-playing proof that gay families are just as capable of offering children stability, nurturing and love as straight ones. We understand that so well in San Francisco, we forget how much ignorance there is outside of our happy, little, LGBTQ-friendly bubble. So it is vitally important to have someone in Elton John's position ready to bite back at the world, at the first sign of bigotry.

And, boy oh boy, did Elton's ire work in this case. Dolce & Gabbana hit CNN yesterday and basically back-peddled or recanted everything they had said to Panorama. Too little, too late, fellas! Clearly these two let their true, staunch Catholic colors show in the Italian publication because it seemed like a safe place to do it. These are not things they probably would've readily expressed in an American publication in the first place, and they're definitely not going to admit to it now that Elton has brought it to the attention of the world.

So we're firmly on the side of Elton with this one: #BoycottDolceGabbana.

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