Bald Eagle Finally Earns Its Keep as Symbol of United States

Birds are the worst animals, and bald eagles are no exception. It's one thing to have the national bird of the U.S. be a bald eagle, since all birds are garbage, but it's bullshit that the bald eagle is also our national animal. This country has grizzly bears, mountain lions, gila monsters, and a host of other noble beasts that are much more worthy of the honor of being used as a prop in political photo shoots. 

And yet, today, the bald eagle earned its keep. Well played, eagle. Now please evolve back into a decent kind of animal, like a dinosaur. 

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