DADT Repeal: With All Deliberate Speed — Or None At All?

The Week in Gay

The repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell is fucking mess, but I think there might be a way to fix things. If we act quickly.

This is a real longshot — and it's not guaranteed to work — but we need get our hands on some mercury. Lots of it.

A flock of Ibises in Florida has been rendered homosexual after being exposed to mercury.

If John McCain and some of the other pinched senators can be exposed to enough mercury over the weekend there is a chance they could go GAY all of a sudden (like Cary Grant in Bringing Up Baby) and then, presumably, they would stop all the histrionic objections to open service by LGBT military personnel.

Then again, gay Republicans usually have to go through an extended phase of denial peppered with raucous sessions of public bathroom sex before accepting their sexual identity. So this plan may be doomed to failure.

Tags: , , , ,

Related Stories