Democracy How? For the Voter Who Stayed Home This Year

Who's got time for an off-year local election for uncontested incumbents and ballot measures running the gauntlet from “arcane” to “trivial?” (They even snuck in a non-binding resolution!)

San Francisco can take the drama right out of participatory democracy. It managed to make a nudity ban boring. This election had no nudity ban.

Carmen Chu, Jose Cisneros, and Dennis Herrera were unopposed. The four ballot measures were uncompelling. But in case you want to know what you missed, and what somebody should have told you to do about it, here's the election guide you needed for the election you didn't.


1. The iPhone 5c. It has all the processing power of Carmen Chu, and is more colorful.

2. Sesame Street's Count von Count: Not only will he assess and record San Francisco's properties expediently, he'll do it out loud — ensuring maximum transparency. Ah-ah-ah-ah!

3. TurboTax's Assessor-Recorder, 2013-14 edition. If we don't want to pay the licensing fee, we can always borrow it from Daly City.


1. We endorse Twitter. Why not cut out the middleman?

2. Mighty Galaxor, Keeper of the Eternal Receipt, He who Holds our Deficit in the Palm of His Hand.

3. Jose Cisneros.

City Attorney

It is our belief that offering an endorsement here constitutes entrapment.

District 4 Supervisor

1. Whoever the responsible grown-up is in Katy Tang's life.

2. Karl the Fog's Cantonese-speaking cousin.

3. Which one is District 4 again?

Prop. A:

The city has established a comically inadequate account funded by workers to help pay down their health care costs once they retire, and … ah, fuck it.

The only group fighting this is the Libertarian Party, and that's only because they had 15 minutes left at the Internet cafe. Every last politico who thinks it's a good idea to wear your underwear on the inside backed Prop. A.

So don't bother worrying about it. Worry about this: To date, facing a $4.4 billion looming retiree health care deficit, the city has set aside $3.2 million.

That's the equivalent of saving $16 toward the eventual cost of a new Toyota Camry. City politicos know this. It scares the crap out of them. That's why they wear their underwear on the inside.

Props. B and C:

What's being determined in this election is whether the city will soon be sued by wealthy NIMBYs who don't want their views blocked by a luxury condo compound or sued by super wealthy development interests who want to build that damn compound so Saudi princes will finally have neighborhood housing.

Prop. D:

“Vote 'yes' if you want to make it City policy to use all available opportunities to reduce the City's cost of prescription drugs…”

The only reason to oppose this is if you would prefer the city to only use some available opportunities or all unavailable opportunities. Or perhaps we want to pay more for drugs! And we want to wear our underwear on the outside!

Tags: , , , ,

Related Stories