The bar for amazing legal theater shouldn't have been difficult to clear in a case involving a homeless man with a history of mental illness entering a zoo enclosure. And yet, the Herron trial vaulted into the stratosphere on Tuesday, when the District Attorneys prosecuting the case listened, open-mouthed, as an expert witness for the defense calmly explained that Herron breached the vicious animals' lair because the voice of actor and male model Tyson Beckford penetrated his skull and ordered him to save a damsel in distress at the zoo.
“That was so incredibly strange and we were as surprised as anybody,” said Brian Buckelew, an Assistant District Attorney and spokesman for the office. “We weren't privy to the psychiatric reports about how Tyson Beckford told him to go into that grotto until it came out on the stand.”
But wait — it gets better! Did you know that after your lawyer convinces a jury that you're not guilty of unlawfully disturbing a wild and dangerous animal because you've got the voice of Tyson Beckford in your head that you just walk out of the courtroom, scot-free? There's no supervised release, no mandatory mental health counseling (let alone custody) and no reason Tyson Beckford's disembodied voice can't tell you to kick the bailiff in the crotch, too.