Despite being outvoted in committee, Supervisor Michela Alioto-Pier has vowed to open up more city meetings to more public comment. What are some of the proposed changes that will allow the public to speak its mind?

• One minute of speaking time is guaranteed to every voice in a crazy person's head

• All meetings will open with a statement blaming Obama, just to get it out of the way

• Commenters are now allowed to yell back at Chris Daly

• An express line for the people who comment at every meeting

• Use of emoticons now permitted

• Translators will be provided for people who make absolutely no sense

• The timer countdown will stop for musical numbers

• Increased opportunities to shout “You lie!” at the supervisors

• At the end of the comment period, people can now shout “Free Bird!” without being escorted from the chambers

• To encourage speakers to open up, the clerk of the board will ask, “And how does that make you feel?” at the end of every comment

• If no one has a comment, board president David Chiu will say, “Bueller? Bueller?” to lighten the mood