Last week an elite group of city power brokers, including Ed Lee, Warren Hellman, David Chiu, and several labor leaders, met privately at City Hall to work out a solution to the city's crisis of escalating pension and benefit costs. What solutions are they considering?

• Wait until everybody's dead, then reduce their health care

• Sell off the city's gold for cash – fast!

• Pay out 25 percent of pensions in hugs

• San Francisco will fake its own death, and use the insurance payments to support retirees

• Sell the naming rights to Ed Lee's mustache

• Hire only illegal immigrants, who can be shipped back to their country of origin when they get too expensive

• An even bigger bluegrass festival!

• San Francisco will mint its own, more progressive, currency

• They've got a bridge you can buy