Silver Linings of Muni's Pending Service Cuts and Fare Hikes

On Friday, Muni wheeled out a cavalcade of proposed service cuts and fare hikes, all of which were met with about as much enthusiasm as, say, a proposal to economize by storing the dead in public school classrooms. Board of Supervisors President David Chiu, meanwhile, questioned the point of even having a Metropolitan Transportation Agency Board, and told SF Weekly he and his fellow supervisors will not approve any fare hikes.

Good times, good times.

But since it seems inevitable that something horrible will happen regarding Muni — we've never been disappointed yet — perhaps it's best to look on the bright side of life:

  • Muni's proposal to cut back late-night buses to only once an hour will be a boon to the city's hard-hit mugging, looting, and aggravated mayhem industries
  • The self-esteem of city dwellers will be boosted when they exclaim “I could walk there faster than that!” — and they really can
  • Those quarters you were saving for the laundromat can now be applied to bus fares — and sitting on Muni will immediately provide a need for a laundromat. So — everyone wins!
  • Absolutely packed trains and buses will provide you that many more chances to meet your future soulmate
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