Last night, Tesla debuted its new $130K Model X — an electric SUV with self-opening gull-wing doors, a bioweapon defense button, and other bells and whistles that have tech gawkers calling this thing a computer with tires. Two years in the making, the car has generated a lot of hype, but its big unveiling last night near the Tesla factory in Fremont left some people pretty pissed off.
[jump] Namely: venture capitalist Stewart Alsop, who aired his grievances in a Medium post titled “Dear @ElonMusk: You should be ashamed of yourself.”
The three-minute tsk-tsk covers a lot of ground, both literally and figuratively. Alsop complains that although he made a 2.5 hour round trip to lay his hands on the Model X (just as, in days of yore, pilgrims traveled weeks to see Jesus’ face in a pound cake), he never got the chance.
Despite shelling out a $5,000 down payment on the car, Alsop wasn’t granted any VIP status. He and all the other one-percenters who’d treked out to hear Elon Musk garble through a mediocre sales pitch were treated like cattle. Cattle!
Here, then, are the top five ways Tesla and Elon Musk threw a big middle finger to their deep-pocketed customers last night:
1. The event started an hour and a half late. Inexcusable in the age of calendar reminders.
2. Elon didn’t apologize for his lateness. But to quote K. West: “You should be honored by my lateness / That I would even show up to this fake shit.”
3. Customers were herded from room to room like livestock. In particular: like cattle. With dumb bovine eyes and four stomachs gnawing on themselves because…
4. There was no food. Tesla, worth $700 billion, couldn’t hire Applebee's to cater this thing?
5. Elon Musk showed an amateurish slideshow about safety. The jury is still out whether to be most offended by the amateurishness of the slideshow or that it was about safety.
Lest you think Alsop had a case of sour grapes, Venturebeat more or less reiterated the pan, deeming last night’s event “disastrous.”
“Musk looks and sounds nervous at the beginning, stumbling frequently in his presentation and throwing in frequent 'ums' and 'ahs,’” Venturebeat wrote about Musk’s presentation.
The final insult: Tesla didn't enable embedding on video of the whole sorry spectacle.