When people settle in marriage, their desire is to live a happily ever after fairy tale. However, this is not always the case for all people, and some find their spouses having extra-marital affairs. This can be very heartbreaking for any faithful person to their partner. Unfaithfulness in marriage is very rampant in society.
To some, they do it without hiding, but others hide it for days, weeks, months, and even years. Having an affair is not just about having sexual relations outside your marriage but involves much more. Some have emotional affairs that don’t graduate to physical intimacy. Others have physical intimacy with other people but are not emotionally attached to them. However, both categories are unfaithful.
A wife may cheat for many reasons, such as loneliness and lack of affection from her spouse. There are many signs that show that her attention shifted to an outsider. Their attitude towards you and the family may change, and she may start acting differently. Whether she is cheating with someone you know or not, the difference is noticeable. However, before making a conclusion, you should have solid evidence of your claims to know the next viable step. Below are some tell-tale signs of a cheating spouse.
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Most Common Signs of a Cheating Woman
Women are naturally more irritable than men. However, if your wife starts becoming more irritable around you and picks an argument out of everything, then something is amiss. Once a woman has affection for someone else, she will always see the husband as a nuisance and will keep picking fights even in minor matters. This behavior shows that the tolerance and patience she had for you are not there anymore. Though many associate mood swings with irritability, the anger and lashing towards a lover come if the heart is no longer attached to them.
• Becoming More Distant
Women generally crave for communication and emotional connection. When your wife has another relationship, she will become distant to you, reduce the amount of communication and start spending more time alone in thought. Even when you ask what the problem is, she will say that she has no problem and shut you out. Some may even act fidgety or shifty whenever you start questioning why they are increasing the emotional distance between the two of you. These may be signs of guilt or lack of interest since someone is meeting her need for affection and companionship. She will be lost in thought and not interested in your attention or conversations most of the time.
• Poor Communication
Communication is the basis of any successful marriage. If this deteriorates, then even the marriages start getting cracks. When your wife is cheating, she will start looking for reasons not to talk to you or even ignore you when you are talking to her. In some instances, she will storm off in the middle of a conversation to show a lack of interest in what you say. If you ask her about anything that she is not comfortable with, her body language will change, avoiding such conversations. This avoidance brings a picture of not being interested in solving conflicts between you and a don’t-care attitude towards the husband. This may be contrary to how she behaved in the past when she was keen to ensure open communication lines and constantly clear the air in case of a conflict.
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• Neglecting the Family
If a woman focuses her energy on someone else, she starts neglecting her duties around the family. She allows the house to remain unkempt and doesn’t care for the children. Cooking, cleaning, and discipline are no longer among her priorities, but she makes sure she looks good when going out. If your wife adopts such a mentality, it shows that her interest in her current family is no longer there. She will always be on the way out, leaving every chore in the house undone. Simple tasks that she paid attention to and enjoyed doing, like grocery shopping, giving attention to the kids, and preparing meals, will become tiresome and a burden to her. She may even come home having eaten and leave the family to fend for themselves.
The guilty are always afraid of being caught. When your spouse is cheating, she may start bringing you accusations to transfer the guilt. Often, she will become secretive about her actions but start being curious about yours. She may even accuse you of cheating for no substantial reason when the real culprit is her. Any time you confront her with a matter of being dishonest, she will turn the tables to you and point the accusation finger on you so that you can stop suspecting her. If this is the trait of your wife, then she might be hiding things from you, and the guilt is leading her to transfer the blame onto you. Every time you want a conversation, she will find a fault in something and start accusing you of cheating.
A woman always seeks validation from her partner in whatever she does. This validation is what boosts her confidence. The moment your wife starts to claim independence from you, then she may be seeking approval from someone else. She no longer asks about the decisions she used to consult you on. You only find out much later about major decisions and even those that affect both of you. Some matters like spending money and work progress now become an independent matter that she does not want to involve you. Though not all decisions must involve consultation, she might be gaining approval from another man if she locks you out of her decisions and claims independence.
• A More Vibrant Social Life
A cheating spouse will look for any reason to be away from the house. This will show as she will tend to be spending more time with friends outside the home than she used to. At times, going out with the girls for a drink, movies, and all such activities are a cover for spending time with someone else who has her attention. This leads to late-night dates, more trips with friends, and more drinking. Whenever you ask her where she is going, she cannot lack the name of one of her loyal friends who may be a cover-up for her endeavors. It is essential to investigate and know who she hangs out with to see whether she is indeed with her friends or not.
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How to Tell if Your Wife Is Cheating?
Here are some of the easiest to point out signs that your spouse may be cheating on you:
• More Interested in Her Looks? Physical Signs Your Wife is Cheating
If your wife is not the kind who always takes too much care of how they look around you, it is very easy to identify when she meets someone special. It is normal for anyone in love to be conscious of their looks when they meet their favorite person. Women are cautious about their appearance when they want to give a good impression. Some of the clothes she only wears on special occasions will now come to play together with distinct hairstyles and perfume. However, she doesn’t put much effort into her appearance when she is around you in the house or going out with you. She only does her bare minimum with you. This action may show that she no longer cares about what you are thinking about her but is set to please someone else.
• Different Perfume
The scent is among the top betrayers of cheaters. When you spend a considerable amount of time intimately close with someone, some of their perfume may remain on you. If you know the specific scent your spouse wears, you can quickly tell when they were in intimate contact with another person. Identifying a different smell on your wife’s clothes can result from having someone’s coat on them or being at very close quarters for a lengthy time. If it happens once or twice, you can let go, but if it goes on, it is evidence that your spouse is spending significant time with that person.
• More Gifts Arriving
Gifts are a way of expressing love and affection. People in love send gifts to each other, especially items to keep. You can know if your wife is cheating if you constantly see new items like clothes, jewelry, perfume, and other personal items. She might defend herself and say they came from some of her friends or workmates, especially those you know. However, if it is not around special occasions like birthdays, friends rarely gift one another; only special friendships should. Investigating the source of the gifts can lead you to the truth of what is happening. Some may also receive parcels through mail delivery systems and claim they are the ones who bought them. Therefore, checking the credit spending may also prove what is happening.
• More Time Spent on the Phone
People in love spend a lot of time on the phone chatting or calling, especially if they do not spend most of their time together. It is, thus, relatively easy to identify if your wife has affection for someone else depending on how much time she spends on her phone. She may not talk on call for many hours in the house but may seem to chat a lot. Very catchy conversations steal her attention from you, making her enjoy her time on the phone than with you. This is an open signal that there is trouble brewing, and it is a matter of time before it comes up.
The foundation of any stable marriage is trust and openness. This may begin to dwindle the moment someone else starts hiding matters and keeps secrets. The first item to hide is the phone and computer. Your spouse will change the passwords and constantly have her phone with her to prevent your access. This is a show that there are private conversations and information that the husband shouldn’t know. Your spouse will also tend to rush to pick up her phone when it rings and even takes some calls outside so that you cannot eavesdrop on the conversations. Secrecy also comes in when she hides her location or whereabouts when they are not with you. Some even go to the extent of constantly erasing their web history every time they finish using their phone or laptop. No matter when you check her gadgets, you cannot have a clue on what she was doing online. This action happens in covering your tracks. Someone who does not want others to find them is someone with something to hide.
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• Deprived Sex Life
If your woman has a physical affair with someone else, she will no longer have the desire to have sex with you. You will find her always giving excuses not to sleep with you, and when it happens, it is very casual and cold. Once someone gets sexually satisfied somewhere else, the desire for their spouse depreciates drastically. You will find that nothing you do turns her on. Instead, she is irritated by your very presence. She now dislikes your touch, words, and any romantic gesture she used to enjoy previously. The relationship around the house now becomes platonic, and you live like two strangers sharing the same roof.
• An Unknown New Friend
It is possible that she mentioned how she made a new friend, whether from work or somewhere else. The relationship seems to grow drastically, and she keeps saying her name severally in conversations and even talks to this friend every time. This may be unsuspicious to many, but if this friend is the only one she keeps mentioning, then you should take a closer look. It might be a different man who changed the name to make you unsuspicious. She may also keep making excuses why you don’t meet with the new friend or why she never comes to visit like the other friends. This may be reason enough to start digging out to the truth to know if the friend is a he or she and what the boundaries of the friendship are. You can even secretly follow her one day when she goes to hang out with her new friend to find out who they really are.
• Car Mileage
If you are suspicious of your wife’s endeavors, you can check her mileage every time she goes out. When she said that she went to the grocery store or visited a particular friend in the neighborhood, then came back later than expected, she may have gone further than she wanted to say. The car’s mileage may speak volumes of how far she went. The vehicle’s GPRS system may also show the places she went to, thus giving you a platform for questioning. Though confronting may be risky, you can take the bold step and ask where she was when you have substantial evidence.
• Increased Shopping Sprees
A cheating wife is due to start shopping for new clothes and new items for her newfound lover. The credit card bills will increase, and she will not care about the financial situation. Her mind is in pleasing the new guy. You will keep seeing her in new clothes and shoes when she goes out. At times all you see are the receipts of what she is buying, but she never wears them around you. Some even go to the extent of getting new lingerie, but they don’t wear them when they are with the husband. If you confront her about the new items, she becomes uncomfortable and starts accusing you of not trusting her or not wanting her to enjoy her money. However, this is evidence that the woman has an affair with someone else.
• Increased Mood Swings
Every relationship has its ups and downs, and they readily show through the woman. You might start seeing your wife having more mood swings than before and just assume that it is hormonal issues or marital ups and downs. Some days she may be too happy and excited, even treating you like a king around the house. She may even be interested in you sexually. However, some days come, and she does not even want to look at you and seems sad and angry. If all matters in the house are normal and you have no arguments, an outsider may be causing these changes. She may be reacting from the roller coaster ride of an affair and start dumping her moods on you. This, however, will vary from person to person. Some don’t let their romance affect how they behave around their husbands and those who cannot hide their feelings even when they are home.
• New Habits
When people are in a love relationship, they start learning and implementing each other’s habits. You will notice your wife’s sudden change in some things like taste in clothes, music and even how she talks. Some new practices that the new person most likely influences will come in. If the person is music-oriented, she will gain interest in musical concerts that she wasn’t attending before or even listen to a particular music genre that she did not previously like. This is proof that she is learning some new traits from someone. If the lover is a younger person, she may start going back to some habits she did when she was younger or copying what the younger generation is doing. Some attribute this character change to a mid-life crisis, but it is sometimes an effect of newfound love.
• Working Late
Work is always the first excuse for a cheating partner. Out of the blues, your spouse becomes a workaholic, always working late, going to work early, and even attending work emergencies. When this behavior starts, it shows other engagements aside from work and her avoiding being with you. Some make an excuse of working late when they are out on a date or may be in the office if they have an affair with someone at work. Working at weekends also is a tell-tale sign that your spouse is meeting some other persons outside work and family. Work trips may increase when she is going out with a lover. This is an excuse to spend time alone with someone else. Most of the time, when one employs this trick, they may have a trusted accomplice at work to give the same story and keep her from being caught. The best way to verify is through the boss if the affair is not with them.
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• Gut Feeling – Cheating Wife Signs
Beyond any actions or signs, when you are married to a person for a long time, you have a special connection, and you can always know when something is wrong. Without asking them anything or beyond any cover-ups, it is possible to see when the marriage is on the verge of breaking. This gut feeling is the starting point of all concerns. Once you feel very sure of something in your gut, the signs will come forth, and you will prove what you were feeling. When you get this feeling, you can start by asking your partner what has changed between you and see the response. What you get when you ask her should lead you to know whether to keep digging or not.
Conclusion – Is My Wife Cheating?
With the above, you can assess your situation and clear any doubts. Once you see several of these signs, it is vital to know how to approach the matter, especially if you have not caught your wife red-handed. Signs are just a starting point to usher you to investigate your claims before making any accusations. You may do the digging yourself or hire someone else to do it for you. Some, however, like taking the shorter route and confronting the suspect so that they can come clean. Whichever you need to do, you need to be sure of your claims. When you have substantial evidence, whether by confession or catching the two in the act, think of what to do next and how to solve it correctly.
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Unfaithfulness is painful to the partner who was faithful to the union. Therefore, having a support system and a person to pour your heart to will help heal. You may also consider separation and divorce as the method to settle the matter. This will require a good divorce lawyer who will resolve the issue amicably without causing a big scene.